Varför blir jag såhär..

Tror inte på det som är bra som händer mig. Jag vet inte varför jag inte tror att jag är värd nått bra. Så fort det händer så blir jag att känna att jag inte duger, att nån omöjligt kan tycka om mig för den jag är.

Min väninna säger till mig att jag måste släppa detta, men det går inte. Jag upplever det hela tiden som jag inte duger. Att det jag gör inte är tillräckligt bra. Jag har ett bra jobb nu och jag tror hela tiden att de ska upptäcka att jag är en bluff som inte vet vad jag håller på med.

Jag har hittat nån som jag tycker vansinnigt mycket om, första gången på 7 år, och nu upplever jag det som att jag inte är bra nog. Jag hittar fel och brister överallt på mig själv. Tror inte att nån kan tycka om mig för mig.

Osäker helt enkelt, i grund och botten är jag den där osäkra tjejen som tvingats till att bygga upp ett tufft skal, jag mot världen typ.

Blir arg på mig själv.

väldigt väldigt ledsen nu..

Jag kan inte skriva nått annat...

Friday...

After a busy day at work I went home around 3 and took the car to the daycare to pick up my son and his friend.

We went straight to Enköping and visit a good friend of mine Veronica and her 2 children, Fabian and Alma.. I had some coffee and the children played around for one hour. After that I met up with Kenny, Lukas father. Lukas will be with his father for the weekend.

Me and Lukas friend was on the way home when another friend of my called on the cell, one thing lead to another and we ended up at theirs place having another cup of coffee. Finally Lukas friend and me were on the way home.

Around nine Lukas friends father came and now I am sofatipping ( to use someone I know favouriteword. *s*)

Is everybody exept from me out clubbing?

Im to tired... Just want to stay here in the sofa for the rest of the evening. =)

Over and Out.

Today was a good day but with heavy thoughts.

I had a visit on my office today that got me to think, think how much easier it would be if I did not live in Uppsala.

Today I got a savings at my work that I am really proud of. Love it.

Yesterday me and my son went to see my grandfather at Norrtälje hospital. I hated to see him like that, Its horrible when I person does not have the will to live any more. I miss my grandfather as he was. On arravial to his room he was just lying there awake in a dark room. I dont want to remember him like that, i want to rememver him like he was, he was my safetynet one of the person you could trust and now he is on the way to another journey. I will go and see him on saturday again but this time I will go alone. I don't want to have my son with me. He soed not need to remember his grandfather from the hospital.

Some thoughts,
I miss my friends in Enköping and Eskilstuna, I love the life I have know but I still miss all of the friends I left after me in my way to get a better life. I have the greatest job in the world but still I do miss to live the life some of u have, living in the same city and country all of your life. Sometimes I want to be like u, happy with the little things u bring about in your everyday life, instead I have a wish for something more, i don't know what yet but something more when just the little things in life.

I tried to speak to Lukas father today and get him to be a better father, as usal i did not have very much success.. How can I get him to understand. He will take Lukas for this weekend only if I drive Lukas to Enköping and borrow him money for the trip home with train on sunday. I am pretty tired of to be a bank to him with loans that he never pays back..

Anyway.. It sounds that I have some heavy thoughts but i wanted to have a place to write down my thoughts. =)

Monday after Prague

So what happend with me..

I am dead tired, cant sleep... The trip to Prague was a wakeupcall.. something wonderful happend.. I realized that I can feel again, I thought that I couldn't feel this feelings and more, its a wonderful and I like it.

So the first day back at work included 7 meetings.. how is it possible? I cant belive it, T-cons all day.

I will go to Stockholm tomorrow in work to meet up with some suppliers, I hope i will manage to get a good offer.

I wonder why people gets crazy around me, how come the man I meet up will end up trying to hook up with me, i have alot of thoughts about that. I dont appreciate it. I just want to be normal. Some times I think I have a sign on my forehead thats says SEX...

Anyway, this was my first blog and I hope this can be a place there people dont judge me.

Over and Out.